It amazes me how similarly people can think sometimes. I had the strangest conversation with Tayron. It was full of pregnancy and baby jokes, from his part though. So odd. I do have to say that hearing those things come from him was a huge turn on, is actually even if it was said in a humorous manner and not seriously. He went we should see how my second kid would come out and what would come from us. He could impregnate me and I would at least have a gorgeous kid and my family line would go on etc. That’s what you get when you let someone in on your most personal thoughts btw. But that’s not the point of this entry. The point is that I had been thinking something along those lines before he said those things. But just on some very deep subconscious level, the level that only dares come out in jokes. Of course I’d never do anything like that cause I’m a sensible person. The consequences of having a baby with a married guy who is going to move back to a different continent in a few months and leave me here, that would be less than ideal. I know I said something like that may be the only way for me to ever have a kid. To simply get knocked up and not think too much about the consequences and that’s probably the part of me that finds the whole conversation appealing, exciting and well extremely arousing to be honest. But we were just joking. Yes, his son is super cute, good genes there. See it’s just hormones causing this line of thinking. I get turned on by the idea of him getting me pregnant. God, I really hate mother nature sometimes. That reaction is not my higher consciousness, that’s just some stupid low basic instinct or shit. That fades in time, I just have to hold tight till it does. After all it’s just a minor part of me that never takes charge of my actions. Or rarely. But see there in lies the conflict, you have your body telling you one thing and your mind telling you another, it’s stupid, how could evolution let this paradox occur? Animals have it easy, they fuck and reproduce without giving it a second thought or mixing it with complicated emotions and conscience. Hooray for being the superior species again! Anyway, those were just jokes from his part as well as mine, but still it amazed me that he would even bring up jokes like that, especially when he knows I’m not so much into children…or am I starting to be? Noooo, sure not.
Btw I held a baby for the first time in my life yesterday. Odd feeling.